Holiday Grief Relief
Whether a loved one passed on recently or long ago, grief can transform the holidays from the most wonderful time of the year to the most painful. Experiencing our emotions at their core is paramount to healing, but there’s one feeling that perpetuates and even worsens grief.
Holiday Grief Relief
The curriculum for grief usually involves a class, semester, or major in regret. We consider, sometimes quite obsessively, the things we wish we had said and done, or reflect upon words and actions we’d do anything to erase from our memories. Unlike sadness, anger, and other emotions that are necessary to experience to move through grief, regret prolongs it.
It’s a feeling that is fueled by our thoughts, a self-torture technique we unconsciously engage in, at a time we need to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves.
Why do we do this? For starters, obsessing about regret actually distracts us from feeling the core of our grief, which is essential to healing. Most of us are much better versed in beating ourselves up than we are being present with and embodying emotions!
Regret Synchronicity
In August of 2021, Guru Jagat, a close teacher and friend for seven years, passed on the great beyond.
(I was recently featured in Breath of Fire, a docuseries on HBO Max about her and Kundalini yoga. Learn more on my homepage.)
I was already reeling with grief when nine days later, my mom followed suit. It was an extremely painful time.
One day, several months after their passing, I was shredding myself for not having brought my mom flowers the last time I saw her. It was common to beat myself up back then and this was certainly not the biggest thing I regretted, but my mind was caught in an obsessive loop.
I decided to do a Kundalini yoga class with Guru Jagat, something I had not done since she’d passed.
I ‘randomly” selected a class in the archives from several years ago. In her pre-class talk, Guru Jagat spoke about grief and regret! I was already in awe of the synchronicity when she provided a practice for meeting this regret with love.
The Regret Relief Practice:
I’ll need to watch the replay again for her exact words, which were way deeper and more brilliant than my recollection. But here’s the gist…
Imagine having said and done what you think you should have!
That simple? Almost!
Get in there with all your senses and emotions. How would this scene have looked, sounded, and felt? Go over this again and again until your feelings of regret have subsided. If you stick with it, you’ll even start to feel the way you would have if this had been what you’d actually said or done!
(Our bodies can’t tell the difference between real and imagined events when it comes to visualization practices.)
I did this on the spot and was amazed by how much better I felt, and how this occurred within a few minutes.
In reality, my mom was not in shape at that juncture to have enjoyed the flowers I’d wished I’d brought, making that particular regret all the more absurd - but in my imagined scene, they brought her great joy!
I felt myself picking them at the botanical garden behind the house I was pet sitting at back then. I watched her smile as she admired the beauty of the bouquet. I could feel her love so deeply in our imagined embrace - it felt no less real than any we’d shared in “real” life.
This practice led to something even more incredible, which I’ll post about soon, along with ways to open to the “signs” your cherished ones, including animals, may be sending at this very moment.
The Relationship Ride, a book I’m launching early next year, features grief support techniques and stories of incredible signs. Learn more about the Relationship Ride.
Contact me anytime for some extra love and support.
I wish you all a peaceful and beautiful holiday season!
